Boũţ Мęħ

My photo
Sukhothai, Thailand
its tough assessing words about me...am a simple girl with some special dreams.. with the words i call my own i write not only about myself but also about common people who, like me... do not want to complicate things....

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

"Happy Kiki To You"



Its just another birthday..yeah yeah you might be thinking this chick is crazy. Instead of studying HRM (the exam that i have today am busy posting a blog on this stupid blogspot of mine.) Urge!! As u call it...
Just recived a call from dad...he dint call at night (probably thinking his little devil would be fast asleep by 12!!!). But then you see hes "dad" and they always know things better than you. As a kid i had a million questions as to "why did he stay away from home for months (I later realised he was a merchant navy captain!!)", "why he would take me along for his trips abroad","why couldnt he stay back home like other dads" or "why the dolphin was bigger than any other fish i saw". :)
Yes that was me at 6!!
The very few first words that i learnt to speak were "darwajja band" (the door is closed) and "pappa gaya" (daddy's gone) {infact i now remember my mom telling me my first word was "papa"}. As a kid i remember crying each time dad left for his long trips (i literally held his photo to my chest!! TOO filmy i know!! But that was me at 7). I have a vague rememberance of me at the age of 4(i was cute and heavy!!) dad holding me on his shoulders and walking the Great Wall Of China (I 'm not kidding!! I have really been there!! :))... He still thinks i was the best baby :)
Each time dad took me and mom (the best!!) for a new trip my first question would be "Hum Singapore jaa rahe hain naa?? (We are going to singapore arnt we)..and with that cross curved smile he would patiently say "yes" (trust me even if we were heading towards taiwan or ne where) and i would be content tat wow its another trip to the bliss of chocolates and lotta goodies!! :)....The ships used to be vast, huge and my dads cabin the BEST (hes a captain duh!!). I remember fighting with him when he had to go for his night duties (yeah thats a hefty job i must say) and crying out to sleep with mom who consoled me dads gone to sail the ship and all the other fantastic cooked up stories about "Sindband the Sailor" (trust me i was a big fan of Alif Laila....if anyone remembers it at all ).
Dad finally succumbed to all my assembled tears and decided to call it quits when i was 11!! And then came the phase when i would be hovered with questions like "why isnt he going back ??", "no more goodies from abroad??" "No more trips to singapore(my fav destination till date!!)" and then the realization "DADS STAYING HOME WITH ME" :)... At 22 today niether he or me regretted this decision of his. Hes the closest person to my heart today and the best thing about him he has never changed in these two decades of my life...(did i mention jes become a little fat ??) Today morning it was a conversation of just 10 seconds as he wished me on my birthday as hes been doing for the ;ast so many years (yeah yeah am aging!!!).
It wasnt a "Happy Birthday to you"... for him it will always be his 4 years old daughter trying to imitate him "Happy Kiki to you Betu"

Sunday, March 22, 2009

imaze gaze: "FAKE"

imaze gaze: "FAKE"

"FAKE"

My fall is due
On its way very soon
Life seems a curse
With no hopes..no boon
Chained in desires
That promise unfulfillment
My heart seeks solace
A place
To vent....
My flights curbed
Am termed "fake"
The weight too much
Enough for me to break
My truth questioned
My life "uncertain"
My blood turns cold
I fail to mould...
Wheres my pain ?
Am i numb
Am i dumb?
I am wrong???
I am wrong??!
I am wrong!!!
Mistakes from my past
Repeated in my present
The words repeated
The action repeated
"You are fake"
My falls come
I find i am numb
I am finally broken
"The fake mask overthrown"

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Ashaant


A ringing bell
In the temple
What does it tell ?
The chaste fire
Burning desire
Ends with my pyre...
'Mantras' being chanted
Idols kept slanted
Words are haunted...
Sermons seem fake
What He makes
Is what He breaks...
The marble tiled floor
The wooden door
My wound still sore!
People mumbling prayers..
Is He the one who cares?
And we the one who dare
Children running round
Barefooted on the ground
Blood to be found
Minds that think
Eyes that fail to blink
The bell goes 'tink - a - link'
My mind turns to the bell
In the temple
Ringing loud to tell
'There are more doubts
Than prayers they shout
Your heart is - ASHANT'

Friday, March 20, 2009

Shades


The shades of my thougths
I cannot add color to them
they arent blind, they have a vision
But thoughts i fear might turn to desires
I think...do desires have strenght?
Or do they fire our minds at paces
We wish not to run at.
The shades of my memories
I cannot add them to my present
Memoirs brings tears
My present wouldnt let them exist here
I belive they are better in their grave
Lying deep within the dungeons of time...
The shades of different people
Seem to lurk in my heart
After a long time...
Those people whom i have buried deep
Down the walls of my heart
Why do they play hide and seek?
Why do they fall apart?
May be my heart refuses to forget!!
Shades of my life get divided
Into various aspect
Shades they are where no oolors may survive
They run thorugh memories
People and my desires
Make me feel Dead...
Even when i am Alive.

I


'I' am no intellectual to write down words that become fossils....'I' am no poet to frame verses that could be chanted...'I' am no author to claim my fame upon a few pieces of heartfelt words...Nor am 'I' a musician to compose devine melodies that woukd be hummed for ages...Nor a scholar to preach the wonderful teachings that could help millions survive...
'I'........
'I' am just an ordinary human being to write what i feel...when i feel
Just an individual to promise that my love shall not fade with time...
A mortal to dream of someone and somthing achievable...
a girl with a thousand splendid suns shinign right beneath her eyes...
and yet 'I' am the one...'I' am me...'I' am Kanchi...Someone that no one can be.

Aeging


The dreams that knowck upon my eyes
Fall like pieces from my tears
I sit like patience with innumerous sighs
Aeging with the passing years
Where do the disasters of life end?
Calling upon my name so soon
Have i lived enough to bend
Or to fall like a cascade beneath the moon?
Where do the ,poans soften down low
Carrying messages of angels unseen
Stories unheard, fables they show
Majestic, magical as never been.
Yet when the broken dreams and moans collide
The heart cries and no one knows
Silence - the sound
Black tear that never shows
Hopes drwan on paper boats swim away
In the river of my tears
And as i try to catch hold of them'
I still find myself aeging with years!!
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