Kan-fused Part 2

They say its tough being tough. Now whats tough? I hit you with a hammer and you dont even sprout an "Ouch" or may be if i ripped your soul apart and you still have this beaming 440 watts smile on your lips as if noithing could have possibly gone wrong. Is that being internally tough ? Delusions hover here too...you cant cry when you want to (aww..whar are people gonna think of me??). I pity men here who have labelled tears as something feminine and who adhere to tears only on occassions they would fall short of excuses! (No offences guys!) So being tough is about being tough is all that i learnt.
Studies and acads is what confused me the most my entire life (too bad its still there). It seems like shadow...my best frends could dessert me for a moment but studies wont. Not that i am psychic about them...just that i am too much psychic about them!! While the rest of the world would dig itself in the debris of books and laptops, i would seel solace in music or movies or playing my mouthorgan and when left in the war-front all i can do is bite my nails on the fact "I-  know - nothing".....

Delusions and confusions have become a real life fairy tale for me that would never vanish from my mind. I could never think straight or think solid about what it determines to be what i want to be!! Rather what i am meant to be! It will all evaporate with time... I have been advised or strongly recommended to "christen" myself with a strong practical approach towards life. It is to fall prey to i know what I dont wanna be...

how confused or in dilemma it may be in), My mind plays a lot of games with me...but I guess I can rest that at peace while my heart still beats with the passion and zeal i always wanted to live with. Right now as i commence my thoughts I can hear Switchfoot play behind " I find peace when am confused"....

Strange....weird....yet happy!! And now i know I am not gonna stop being what they term "confused" cuz thats what forms my essence and thats what i would be till the day i breathed my last....